


Information Warfare

by Xparrot



Category: NCIS
Genre: Chatlogs, Comment Fic, Humor, M/M, Present Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-22
Updated: 2009-09-22
Packaged: 2017-10-08 19:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/Xparrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McGee had no choice but to take preemptive action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Information Warfare

**Author's Note:**

> Comment-fic for jack_infinitude, prompt: "NCIS, McGee: information warfare."

The best defense is a good offense, which explains why Tim is awake at 3 AM on a Tuesday night, hacking Tony's home PC. Or, not explains per se, but it's the best excuse. This is war, and the only way to avoid Tony getting him is to get Tony first. So this can't wait.

It was Tim's own fault, leaving the convention page up on his computer. But when Gibbs uses that particular tone, you better jump even before you ask "how high."

He should have at least shut off his monitor, though, because Tony is _always_ looking at his computer, and by the time Tim got back to his desk, Tony was Googling the CFC. From there it's just a matter of time before Tony finds the homepage, and sees that the guest of honor at Crime Fiction Con is Thom E. Gemcity, and then Tim knows he's never going to hear the end of it.

So he had no choice but to take preemptive action. It's taken him four hours to break into Tony's computer, but these days Tm doesn't question how long he spends planning ways to get back at DiNozzo. It's time well-spent; there must be something on his harddrive worthy of blackmail. Nothing too tasteless, of course, so Tim avoids video and image files (not that there's much fodder there; ironically, Tony is one of the few guys Tim knows whose regular movie folder is bigger than his porn folder.) The email and chat logs have potential; the number or name of an ex-girlfriend or two might come in handy.

The folder labeled "dull boy" seems promising; _The Shining_ is one of Tony's favorites, and while the messages are work-related, they're from a private account, not Tony's NCIS address. Tim recognizes the person writing back as one of DiNozzo's old colleagues in Baltimore.

A close colleague, to tell from their last chat log:

_SixDegreesofAwesome: Sally, what do I do, I can't stop looking--it's one hell of an ass!_

Definitely promising. Tim keeps reading.

_Girl_in_Blue: Why should you stop? If it's really that nice. :)_

_SixDegreesofAwesome: It really is!_

Oh, yes, Tony will give a lot to keep this away from his latest _objet d'ogle's_ eyes.

_SixDegreesofAwesome: But we're teammates, and I'm senior agent._

Tim snorts--Ziva is hardly junior to Tony, never has been even if technically she's the newest on the team. For that matter it's not like Ziva doesn't know Tony is looking--not like she doesn't look back, either.

_Girl_in_Blue: So a senior agent can't order his teammate out on a date?_

_SixDegreesofAwesome: no--it's against the boss's rules, dating at work._

_Girl_in_Blue: but flirting's okay._

_SixDegreesofAwesome: Not flirting, just teasing. fooling around._

_Girl_in_Blue: Which is different from flirting how?_

Excellent question, Tim thinks.

_SixDegreesofAwesome: it's only flirting if you both know it is._

_Girl_in_Blue: How do you know he doesn't know?_

Tim blinks, rereads the last line. The pronoun doesn't change. He keeps reading:

_Girl_in_Blue: Unless he's a total doof he must've noticed by now..._

_Girl_in_Blue: do you do anything at work *besides* flirt with him?_

_SixDegreesofAwesome: not flirting! he just thinks I like making fun of him._

_Girl_in_Blue: which you do. Because you're a jerk. :P_

_SixDegreesofAwesome: I can't help it! he's so easy! and it's fun. We have fun._

_Girl_in_Blue: Totally flirting ;) So why haven't you told him?_

_SixDegreesofAwesome: Because he's not gay! I asked._

"No, you didn't, you just told the entire second floor that I was!" Tim cries, then realizes he's shouting at a computer screen and shuts his mouth. Tony had just done it to keep their female coworkers from asking Tim out.

Because he's a jerk.

Who doesn't like Tim flirting with girls.

In retrospect, Tim admits, Tony has been kind of obvious.

After a brief deliberation with his conscience, Tim closes the chat unsaved, and resumes browsing Tony's harddrive. There's got to be something--something else. Something suitably embarrassing, but not so...potent.

Tony would understand; he's seen _Dr. Strangelove_ enough times. A doomsday device is the ultimate deterrent, but it only is effective if you tell your adversary about it.

And Tim's not ready for their war to end.

Not _quite_ yet.


End file.
